


Agony

by Galaxy_of_Ashes2906



Category: Black Panther (2018)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Heavy Angst, I didnt proofread either, I wrote this instead of listening to my english teacher, Not Beta Read, Pre-Black Panther (2018), Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, T'Challa is a baby, Whump, loosely base on comics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:22:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22682440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Galaxy_of_Ashes2906/pseuds/Galaxy_of_Ashes2906
Summary: Queen Ramonda is living her best life beside her beloved husband as they raise their infant son and live the life of luxury in the Wakandan palace. But Anton Pretorius, a white Supremacist with a disturbing interest in African women, decides to destroy that; shattering her life into a billion of pieces that she doesn't know if she can put back together.
Relationships: Ramonda/T'Chaka (Marvel)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Remisaurus02](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Remisaurus02/gifts).



> Usually a valentine's challange wouldn't be this depressing and agonizing but it's what remisaurus02 asked for and they loves t'chaka and ramonda as a couple so who am I to tell them they're wrong? Enjoy! 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!!! SEMI-DETAILED RAPE IN THIS CHAPTER!!!!! PROCEED WITH CAUTION!!!! This first chapter can be skipped and the rest will still make sense though

The chains; heavy. 

Her mind; foggy. 

The cell; cold as hell. 

The pain; agonizing.

Almost so agonizing that she didn’t feel the prick in her arm of the man pumping her veins full of drugs so she wouldn’t fight back as he defiled her.

So agonizing that tears rolled from her lashes, coating her cheeks, which were already coated in sweat and smeared in blood from the whip he used previously on her; A type of satanic foreplay.

“P- _ please _ ,” Ramonda whispered, voice hoarse. Her jaw felt terribly heavy, as if it was wired shut and she had to break through each strand of metal to speak. Eyes cracked upon, she saw the white man on top of her, forcing himself inside with horrible force all the while grinning smugly down at her, lapping drool off of his pearly teeth like a ferocious beast. 

He showed no guilt, or sympathy for her agony. He was giddy; acting as a boy who just received a pony for his birthday. 

“Please  _ what _ , Gorgeous?” The man asked, forcing himself deeper inside of her, appearing proud when she grunted out in pain. “Is that what you wanted? To be as rough as I want? For me to raw you out and fill you with my seed until you are pregnant with my child?” 

She fought to speak; to stop the white man, but shame came when instead, a wet warmth spread on the cold, stone ground beneath her; burning her wounds and mixing the blood with golden yellow.

The man snickered and continued his jarring pace. “So good that you pissed yourself, eh? Didn’t think a Queen like you would be so kinky.” 

“Please!” Her face was hot in shame; hotter than the Wakandan sun, and all she wished to do was get away from the man, find a hole to die in and finally be at peace.

Peace was the opposite of the state she was in right now.

The best thing she thought to do was to stay silent; to not give him the satisfaction of hearing her scream and whimper in agony since to a sicko like him, her pain was music to his ears. But staying silent required self-control. Between her mind being foggy with whatever drugs she had in her system, and the pain, it didn’t take long for a shameful sob to escape from her lips. Of course came the man’s taunting words; 

“Ready to come for me, Gorgeous?” The man leaned forward, squeezing her breasts firmly before pressing his mouth to the nipple. She yelped when his teeth sunk into the tender skin, she was certain that he broke the skin; clamping down as ribbons of white come spewed from him, flooding her tight walls and spilling to floor, mixing with the rest of the bodily fluids on the stone. 

Soon, his fist replaced his cock. “Come for me!” He ordered, getting rougher and rougher. “Come for me! _COME FOR ME!_ **_COME FOR…”_**

Everything suddenly stopped, and Ramonda’s consciousness swam in and out of focus but she was sure that she was seeing the white man getting punished by a big, black blur, beating him to a pulp. 

Then he was dropped to the floor, limp. 

_ “Ramonda.” _ The Black Panther took off his helmet, kneeling next to his wife. She whimpered when she saw the concerned eyes of her beloved. 

“I’m...I’m sorry,” she whispered. T'Chaka looked slightly alarmed by the raw, emptiness of her voice, but he shook his head, breaking the cuffs to free her wrists. He wrapped her in a soft blanket and scooping her up, one arm wrapped around her back and the other under the bend of her knees. 

“Never apologize, my love,” he whispered, carrying her out of the cell as he head fell limp against his shoulder. “It was not your fault.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **trigger warnings** suicidal thoughts and just all-around whump

Ramonda had suffered an overdose of the drugs that the man, Anton Pretorius, had pumped into her system. Any other place on the earth, the amount of toxins in her blood would have been lethal, but luckily she lived in the only country with science and technology advanced enough to clear them out. 

Now she was on a bed, sleeping deeply. The bloody slashes from the whip healed and the blood, urine, and sweat residue cleaned from her skin. She was in a strange state of sleep. No dreams; Everything was just gray and cloudy and the only noise was the pumping through her veins. She felt no pain, like she was floating on the clouds; in an out of consciousness. But what she did feel was emotional; an impending feeling of doom, weighing heavy inside of her. 

It was unpleasant, but it was nothing compared to what she felt after she finally came to. 

"Hey," T'Chaka greeted gently as he came into her view after she opened her eyes, wincing at the bright lamplight around her. A cooed followed, and Ramonda realized, in horror, that he had their infant son 

Bast, how could she face T'Challa with all this shame weighing her down? She prided herself in being a strong, fierce woman like all the Wakandan queens before her. But now she didn't feel her strength. 

Only the pain and disgust of the traumatic event. She should have defended herself somehow. She shouldn't have allowed him to defile her like he did. 

"What happened to him?" she asked, voice raspy. "The man who…?" 

T'Chaka reached out and laid a comforting hand over hers, swiping his thumb over the soft surface of the back of her hand. "He is gone, Entle. I cannot hurt you or anyone else anymore." 

The promise didn't provoke any peace like the King was clearly hoping for. Sure, it was a comfort to know that he couldn't attempt a second abduction and assault, but peace…

...Peace was not an option anymore, and it feel like it would be for a very long time; if ever. 

"Monda, look at me," T'Chaka ordered, and it was then that she realized she had been avoiding eye contact. Tears drip-dropped down from the corners of her eyes and to her temple, into the frizzy roots of her raven dreads.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, shaking her head as she fought as hard as she possibly could to fight the tears. She had always been an advocate of the belief that all sexual assaults were valid; male, female, gropping, full rape, work rape, date rape, it didn't matter, if someone went through something so tragic, they deserved to be treated with respect and feel that their emotion towards the event was valid.

...except for her own. 

Maybe she hasn't fully comprehended that what happened to her was, in fact, a rape. Maybe the shock of everything was still there; thin, but existing. Or maybe she sincerely felt that she should be able just to suck it up and move on with her life. 

But whatever it is, she couldn't look up and see T'Chaka's gentle eyes as he tried to comfort her; to ground her to reality. "I can't…"

"You can't look at me?" he asked, soft spoken. T'Challa started to fuss and he began bouncing him on his knee, supporting him with a hand on his chubby tummy while he caressed his wife's hand. "I just want you to know that whatever happened in that cell could not have been your fault, no matter how deep you are in that belief, and that I will always be here, no matter what you need. Understand?" 

Ramonda nodded, swallowing thickly. She trembled, even though she wasn't cold, and even though the remnants of the injuries provoked on her were gone thanks to their advanced tech, she could still feel the sharp, burning throb of the whip slicing her open, and the sting of raw bruises that his spanking left. She eventually sat up, securing her arms tightly around herself. 

"I-I do not think I can do this," she whispered, pressing the heels of her palms into her eyes as they watered down her face. "I-I can't, T'Chaka. It hurts too much. He-he took everything from me…" 

"He did not take me," T'Chaka whispered. He rose up from his own seat to perch on the edge of the hospital bed, where he then wrapped his arms around her and held her close. She cried into his chest. 

"Let me be the strong one for a little while, hmm? Draw your strength from me as long as you need to until you can make your own. Just please, my love, do not give up. You are loved and you are safe here. Pretorius cannot get to you anymore. Prove to yourself what I have known since the day we met; that you are a warrior." 

She wasn't a warrior. Warriors could bounce back from anything stronger than before. She couldn't bounce back from this. She couldn't even see a future for herself. It was all blurry. "T'Chaka," she cried, gripping onto the material of his tunic. "No.  _ Please!"  _ She could hardly catch her breath, sobbing hysterically and gasping for air like a fish out of water. "I just want to die." 

"Hey, hey, hey, look at me," T'Chaka said firmly, but not unkind. He slipped fingers underneath her chin as to lift her tear-filled eyes up to his. "You are not dying on me, Ramonda. You are not dying on  _ us _ . T'Challa needs his mother, and I need my wife. I need you. And I do not care how long it takes you to get back to me. Even if it is years from now; I will wait for you, because you  _ will _ survive." 

Ramonda did not know about that because inside, she was already dead. Empty and hopeless. T'Chaka may have hope that she will make it through, but all she could think we about jumping from the balcony. 

It would be painful, but at least after the jump was over she would be free of pain. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***trigger warning*** this chapter contains suicidal thoughts and an almost attempt

It was one of the windiest days Wakanda had ever seen. 

The strong, chill wind howled through the mountains, cutting through any fabric that got in its path, including Ramonda’s dress. 

Unlike everyone else, who was attempting to stay indoors to avoid the weather, she stood on the grand balcony outside of the palace’s library. Nothing shielded her from the elements, but as she stared out into the cloudy sky above her, teary-eyed, she couldn’t feel the goosebumps forming on her skin, or the fabric that whipped around her body. 

She looked over the edge of the Vibranium railing in front of her. The bars of it formed an elegant braid-like pattern; and to the distraught queen, it felt like a prison. 

One jump. 

It would only take a simple step off the other side of the railing and she would be plummeting towards the pavement below. Her pain would be over. She would no longer feel a burden to her beloved husband, and T’Challa would one day have a mother who he deserved; A mother who wasn’t broken. 

Anton destroyed her. He left her as a hollow shell of the woman she used to be. A week had passed, and days grew longer and harder. Her misery only got worse until even the large dosage of depression pills she had to didn’t even give her the ability to function. 

There was no quality of life for her.

Swallowing thickly and wiping tears away with her palms, she gripped onto the top of the railing and pulled herself up. She had just secured one foot on the metal before she heard the door to the balcony slam open. 

_ “Ramonda!”  _

T’Chaka ran forward, eyes wide with horror. The thought that his wife would jump; actually would try to leave him and his son… It was such a painful thought he could hardly process it. “Monda,  _ please.  _ My love.” He grabbed her around the middle, prying her from the railing. 

“ _ Don’t! _ It’s the only way, T’Chaka. I  _ need  _ this.” 

“No.” The King, holding firmly, shook his head and physically had to drag her away. “Entle, you would only allow the man to win if you commit suicide.” 

Ramonda fought him until she finally broke down for about the twentieth time that week, her body turning to deadweight in his arms while she sobbed. “He already won.”

Not loosening his hold anymore in fear that he was still at a chance of losing her, T’Chaka hugged her close, comforting. “He did not already win, because you are still here. It is painful now, and you are drowning deep in your grief. You have lost your sense of self-worth, my love, but you are still worth more to me than my own life. I would give up my entire kingdom for you, and nothing will ever change that. Do you hear me, Ramonda?” 

“I want to die, T’Chaka. I want to  _ die.” _

“No, you want the pain to end,” He corrected, reasonably. “But death will not end your pain, it will only move the pain to someone else. Think of T’Challa. Do you sincerely want him to grow up wondering about his mother; why she left him? Why she allowed another woman to raise her? Is this really what you want?" 

She cried hard, her chest heaving as she struggled to catch her breath from the sheer intensity of her sobs. “No,” she finally wailed. “I’m sorry! I’m so __ sorry.” 

“I know you are, Entle, I know.” He kissed her forehead and rubbed her back. He shushed her softly. "And I apologize if that was harsh, but I had to get you to see reason. I love you with all my heart, and cannot bear the thought of you ending your life." 

Ramonda nodded, expression pained and crumpled. "I love you too." 

"I know you do. I know." 


	4. Chapter 4

It had been nearly two years since the assault. Ramonda still was not the woman she once was, but there were many improvements to her mental health.

And after two years, she finally believed she was ready for a physical relationship with her husband again.

So when their now two-year-old son finally went down for bed one night, the King ventured into the large bedroom chambers, which were decked in luscious purples and gold. The balcony that his Queen nearly jumped from years before was currently closed, the silk curtains drawn over the glass door.

She had not attempted again, and he was thankful for that. But he still had the unquenchable fear that he would come in one night and find that she had jumped, or found another way to end her life.

But tonight, it was a different scene.

"Ramonda? What's this?" T'Chaka questioned, loosening his tie. He arched a brow at her lounged out on the bed, leaving little to the imagination in black, lacy lingerie.

"Are you tired?" she asked, a purr in her tone.

"Not anymore…" he smirked before sighing. "But are you sure you are up to this, my love. The progress you've made is undoubtedly impressive, and I do not wish to trigger anything."

"You are not the man who did that to me," Ramonda insisted, reaching a hand out to him. "You will go gentle, I'm sure."

He chuckled and nodded, stripped from his suit and climbed onto the bed next to her. "You're beautiful," he whispered, kissing her on the lips.

And everything was going perfectly fine. T'Chaka was perfect. He was gentle enough, but he was still passionate enough to bring both pleasure. It was amazing.

Until it wasn't.

"Monda?" T'Chaka whispered, slowing to a stop when her eyes were shut right, tears springing from under her lashes. "Hey, look at me."

She shook her head. "I'm fine. Just… Just keep going."

"Ramonda." this time he spoke firmer. He slipped out and off of her and she instinctively curled up on herself, trembling slightly.

"I'm sorry."

"No." He wrapped her in a soft throw and grabbed his clothes, pulling them on.Then he wrapped her in his strong arms, holding her close. "You do not need to apologize. Remember what Dr. Abara said? Something like intercourse may take years for you to be able to do, but you tried. It's more than anyone could expect from you."

"I just want things to go back to normal," she said, her voice holding a tint of annoyance in it. "I want to be able to please you. It has been over two years since we had sex, T'Chaka. You have desires too and you must be—"

T'Chaka shook his head, "Do not worry about me, Entle. Making sure that you are emotionally well is worth the wait."

She made a sound that proved she was not convinced, crossing her arms inside the blanket cocoon. "Are you lying?"

"In the past I may have watched a few videos to gain pleasure," He finally admitted, wincing as he said it outloud to his wife of all people. "However, between my duties as king and as father, I am hardly ever in the mood anyway." He kissed her on the temple, his lips plush and warm against her skin.

  
Ramonda sighed and tucked her head into the crook of his neck. "I want to be better," she said, speaking with finality. "I  _ will  _ be better."

**Author's Note:**

> If you like it, remember to comment and give kudos. I means a lot to me!!!!


End file.
